Strange and Awkward Encounters with the History Department

Very bad news: I got the worst grade on a history paper on Monday that I've gotten since... Freshman year of high school? Earlier? Anyway. I was devestated. I'm still in shock mode, though I have to say I saw it coming... as contradictory as that seems...

Bad news: This grade was "only," as Kaira puts it, a "B-." And it counts as 15% of my grade. I need to get "A"s and "A+"s for the rest of the semester if I want to maintain/better my grade.

Okay news: I think I can do that.

Better news: The professor who gave me that grade spent most of his comments telling me how much he enjoyed the essay, how strong my writing is, and how much he liked most of the essay (except the bits where I got distracted).

Good news: I'm now officially a History major/Historic Preservation minor!

Best news: My favorite professor is now my advisor.

... I can't believe it's only Tuesday.

New York, Oxford, and Stalin

Well, I spent my first weekend back at Goucher in New York. And I'm very happy I made that decision. Quite a bit of my father's side of the family convened to celebrate my grandmother's birthday, and it was really wonderful to see everybody. Usually, we only see each other about twice a year, so it was great to have additional time (especially since Thanksgiving tends to be so rushed). I'm also glad I managed to miss the only wild partying Goucher has seen since 1885.

I have no idea what a "foam party" is meant to be. I only know I'm happy that I don't know.

Anyway. A quick update on the job front: it turns out that the Special Collections had already hired people for all their positions before they even interviewed me. I'm not sure what to make of that. Either they're particularly badly organized (like most of Goucher is), or... no. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's all it could be. In any case, I've been told that they'll get in touch with me if somebody leaves. As for the Library and the Career Development Office, things seem to be going along the same pattern as last year: "Oh, we're not sure yet. Keep checking back with us!"

... what?

I mean, if you're going to say "no," then just say "no!" So, needless to say, things are not looking promising. But as I'm sure I've already said on this blog (and if not, you may have heard this in person from either myself or my parents): I'm really not too bothered. I'm overwhelmed with work as it is-- and I don't mean to say that this is a bad thing. I just mean that I'd be very cautious about taking on even more work and responsibilities, and I'm not only refering to my classes. I'm also working on the process of declaring my major (just picked up the paperwork!), as well as that of applying to study abroad programs. I picked up some information on the Oxford program this afternoon, and signed up for an email notification when they have informational meetings about it. There isn't much else I can do with that right now, but it's going to get busy later in the semester. So all I can do for now is get as far ahead with my classes as I can, and make sure my grade does not fall below a 3.6 so I'll still have the Oxford program as an option by the end of all of this.

So. Stressed? Yes. Happiest person on the North American continent? Yes. Needless to say, my classes have been fantastic. My first batch of essays and papers are due early in the coming week, and although I've been working on them all week, it feels like it has been an exceptionally short week... I still have to finish my essay for my American Revolution class on "Early American" society, but I should be done fairly soon, and it isn't due until this coming Monday. I feel like I should be ready to tear my hair out, but instead, I just feel like I'm floating on top of everything. It's really bizzare. I've never used the world "stressed" to express a good feeling before, and I don't think many people have... which leads me to believe that I'm using the wrong word. I can't quite come up with the right one.

I was talking to Professor Fraser this morning, both before and after class. She asked me how I was doing in the seminar, and I told her I was really enjoying it, finding it interesting, and feeling challenged. All good things. We're doing alot of very theoretical readings, mostly on historiography, at this point, and she said that this was probably the most complicated the readings would be for the rest of the semester. I've been very struck this semester by how complicated history and the theory of history can be... honestly, I've been wondering how on earth professors come back from talking about these wonderfully complicated ideas in seminars and amongst each other, and teach survey courses, where they're basically lecturing: "So, then in 1848..." It seems so boring in comparison! Professor Fraser says it is a bit of a relief to come back and teach some more simple things sometimes, but having to gloss over so many things in survey classes can really be difficult... I can imagine.

Well. That's about it for now. I have to get back to that American Revolution essay.

My love to all,
Tasha

ps. I've been in a very Benjamin Britten mood lately, and this has been stuck in my head for days:

(Almost) One Week In...

So, my camera tells me that my "battery is exhausted," despite the fact that it has been charging for a week now. Looks like I need a new battery...? Anyway. I use this as an explaination for why I don't have pictures for you yet. In the meantime, I've had nearly a week of classes already!

It has been absolutely wonderful to be back, and in class again. Again, I have Professor Fraser for two classes (last semester it was European History and Soviet History. This semester I have her for Imperial Russian History, and for her senior seminar on Stalinism, which I will talk more about later), which has been very nice. Imperial Russian History seems like it is going to be a good class: I'm already half-way though a book that I'm not meant to be reading for another few weeks. I have my first essay on this book, and considering all the other work I have to do, I thought I should get as much of a head-start as possible. I have been spending litteraly all of my time with my nose stuck in some book or another, and I have to say it is great. I love feeling so consumed by something that nothing else matters... anyway. This book is actually a memoir by Princess Ekaterina Romanova Dashkova (1743-1810), translated and edited by Kyril Fitzlyon. She was instrumental in the revolt that deposed Peter III and put Catherine the Great on the throne, and was a close friend of the latter. She was very highly respected at the time, and I'm currently reading about her travels in Western Europe, and how she met Voltaire, Diderot, Necker, etc... it's really amazing that nobody remembers her now, actually. Most who know me probably know that I find what is being called "women's history" very boring, and far too political. But I honestly wish historians paid more attention Dashkova: she is absolutely fascinating! I won't give a summary... it would take far too long a time, but really, I would recommend reading her memoirs, if anybody has time for that sort of thing...

The seminar on Stalinism is, I will admit, intimidating. I am definitely the only sophomore there: there are a few juniors, but the majority by far are seniors, as the title of the class would indicate. It's difficult not to feel as if everybody is just waiting for me to drop out at times, but the good news is that so far, I have no inclination to do so. Looking at the syllabus is a bit overwhelming, but it seems do-able. It is only when I think of all the other classes I am taking, and all the other work I need to be doing that I get worried. But I think I'll be able to manage if I stay far enough ahead in my classes, in terms of work. Getting any reading that I can do out of the way will probably be most useful.

As for my other classes... well. I'm taking the Archaeology of Text, which is taught by Professor Arnie Sanders as a interdisciplinary class within the English department. I am absolutely loving it so far. On the first day, we recieved what he calls "cadaver books," which are basically books that we will be studying and working on throughout the semester, apparently the way medical students work with certain cadavers for an amount of time... mine is a little copy of "Paradise Lost," by John Milton, published by Robert and Andrew Foulis in Glasgow, 1766. It has lost its cover, but it is just... beautiful. And I get to spend my time this semester taking it apart and studying it! I didn't know I would be so genuinely excited about this, or the fact that we're going to have labs in this class, but there you are! Speaking of books and archives, etc., I've just come back from an interview at the Goucher Special Collections. The whole process of applying has been... urgh. Well. Let's simply say there were a few miscommunications that were entirely my fault. It didn't matter that much, but it still made me worry, as I tend to do. Anyway. The interview itself wasn't bad, but I really couldn't tell what the woman who was interviewing me was thinking... she took the time to show me around and such, and I got the feeling that she wouldn't have done that if she weren't thinking about hiring me, but... well. Again. I worry. We'll see what happens. But if I do get the job, I'll be helping put photos on the online catalogue, and typing in metadata, which isn't exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for, but if that's what they need done, that's just fine with me. Besides, if I finish, I may get to move on to projects dealing with the really old and interesting stuff. But I think I'm getting ahead of myself here... let's see if I get the job in the first place. I also applied for a position at the Main Library, and I should know about both that and the Special Collections early next week.

I am also taking a class on the American Revolution, taught by Professor Matthew Hale, which I am enjoying very much so far! On the first day, he had us introduce ourselves by giving our name, year, major, where we were from, and a grievance that we have about Goucher. I have never enjoyed a "let's get to know each other" session more. Needless to say, if very quickly became a lively conversation about how Community Living is never open, and how there are never any jobs available for students. Of course, I felt the need to be a bit different, so I said that my grievance was that I was being forced to have a grievance in the first place: despite Goucher's problems, I'm essentially alright with everything.

Professor Hale appreciated that.

My last class is Language Myths, an anthropology course taught by Professor Frekko. I'm not sure how fond I am of her yet, but the subject seems interesting. She has a tendency to turn everything into a Social Justice topic... I suppose that anthropology really is meant to be used for the betterment of humankind, etc., but I'd really like to learn the discipline before I go about applying it. Just saying. I think it would be awful to study anthropology as an undergraduate, and come out of school with only a basic understanding of the subject and an abundance of political opinions to show for it.

... I think there are a few students at Goucher who would argue with me on that, and very passionately. I would have to defer to them: Anthropology is not quite my subject, after all.

But I have to say that a connected problem/question has been bothering me for a while now... all summer, I suppose, but the question was actually put to me while I was in Cambridge, and the fact that I could not answer well is... well. Anyway, the question was "Why bother?" As in "Why bother studying history?"I know the answer I'm supposed to give: "To help humanity work through its darker moments, heal the wounds of the past, and prevent certain things from happening again." But honestly... that is not why I am studying history. If I were going to be perfectly honest, I would say "Because I love it, and because it has been the only thing capable of really holding my attention for longer than a few months." I wish I had more noble motivations. I really do, and I've been trying to find some over the past few weeks, and I've found myself incapable. Mostly. All I can really say in my defence is that history is intrinsically important: I cop-out, to be sure. But really... I must not be the only person who has an overwhelming fear of what would happen if the human species woke up tomorrow morning, and remembered none of it's history... it is so much a part of who we are, and what we do, from our politics to our everyday lives. History dictates (well, perhaps "dictate" is a bit of a strong word) everything from our foreign policies and what language we speak, to what we wear and what sports teams we support, in one way or another. It's one of the most important ways that we understand other cultures: something of increasing importance as people from all areas of the world become more closely connected. But in any case... one of the things that really scares/d me about Stalinism, and actually, about "Nineteen-Eighty-Four," (George Orwell) was the concept of having the past messed about with in general. I think that remembering is important for its own sake... not necessarily for a specific purpose...

...well. I'm still working on that thought. In the meantime, speaking of Stalinism, I have to go talk about the "totalitarian model" in seminar now. My love to all!

Tasha

ps. A photo kindly donated by Kaira...