I've been slacking off. Again. It's probably expected by now though, so anyway.
A lot has been happening over the past few days... weeks, actually, I suppose. I sat down thinking: "Finally! Time to write! This is going to be such a long post!" and now that I'm actually trying to write it all down, it seems like there's nothing really worth mentioning. Whenever I call my parents, or I come back to New York, and I get asked what has been going on, I have to respond: "Not much," because that's all I can say that really makes any sense. Things happen that seem very dramatic at the time, but by the time I get around to relating them, they're just more of the same story: I love class, I'm doing well, my friends stress me out more than my work does, I forgot to eat for three days, and now I'd like to sleep, please and thank you. It's all rather dull... but that's everyday life. And I like to think that while Professor Sheller continues to bring 19th century tailor's shears and tea sets and other such things into class for me to examine for two hours straight, everyday life won't be all that dull.
So yes. About the last two weeks specifically... well. Not much specific to say. I'm getting ready for a craft fair that should be taking place this Friday. Hopefully I'll earn some extra cash from it... that would be really nice. I'm just hoping people buy things at all. There was another craft fair last week that my friend Jenny was selling scarves at, and she managed to sell four of them. We were all quite amazed, as it's really impossible to get college students to buy anything that costs more than five dollars, and Jenny was charging fifteen... but anyway. I have hope. And very little else, but that's enough to be getting on with for now.
My classes have been going very well, as usual! I've just finished all my midterms, and should be getting some grades back over the next two days. Of course I'm nervous about it. I always am, no matter how well I do in the actual class. I keep getting the feeling that I could have written more, or that I could have included or explained more things more clearly... I cannot think about it. I really cannot afford to be worrying about things that I don't need to be worrying about... and yet, I do. Am I surprised? No. Am I frustrated with myself anyway? Yes. Rather.
Anyway.
You know, that paragraph started out very cheerfully, and ended very... not-cheerfully. I didn't mean for that to happen... as I was saying, my classes have been great. Of course, they're the reason I'm here, but I've also been feeling lately as if they're a safe haven from everything else that's been going on. People are complicated... yes, I know we all know that, but... wow. People are complicated. I tend to think of myself as somebody who doesn't really need other people around all the time... actually, most of the time. And yet, I attract people that need other people around them all the time, constantly. One can see the problem here... I make friends with people who need me around more than I need them around. And that sounds really horrible, but I don't mean it to sound that way... I love and enjoy my friends. I really do. Anybody could tell you that. It just happens to be that my best friends are people who are equally in need of time to themselves, and equally capable of entertaining themselves.
The nature of relationships at college just doesn't seem suited to the way I interact with people in general. I've met people who, overnight, will start calling me their best friend and spouting "I love you!"s like I don't even know what. I'm sorry. But my best friends are people who I have known for years. A few late-night study sessions does not give one that title. And I firmly believe "love," like "hate," is a very strong word, and a word that one should only use when one really means it. I am capable of having low-key, casual friendships, you know... not every friendship needs to have the intensity of... something very intense.
Sorry. I felt the need to vent about that. It's just that only about three people here seem to get that. And it frustrates me when I find myself in a situation where there's a lot of drama and anxiety, just because myself and the other person involved don't share the same idea of what friendships should be.
I need to put out a guidebook: How to Deal With Your Natasha Gross 1.0 or something like that. (For those of you who don't know, it would probably read something like this: http://typelogic.com/intj.html. Some of you may already know the story of how my Art History professor had us take the Myers-Briggs test earlier this semester... if you don't, that's pretty much how that went. Usually, I'm not one to put much faith in these personality test things... I think the most useful thing I learned from psychology in high school is that anything, if it is flattering and general enough, will be perceived as true. To be perfectly blunt, I think the whole personality type thing is simply another way of shoving people into boxes, which I thoroughly disaprove of, and my opinion is not helped by the fact that the tests themselves are almost always very general, and rather inaccurate. I happen to think that this one is very interesting, however, and I have to admit I'm impressed with how well it described me. With some people, it completely misses, but... anyway. This has been a very long parenthetical statement.)
Anyway, I've been burying myself in my work as a result, and I've come to the conclusion that this is how things should be. I don't need to be socializing... just give me a book and an essay to write, and I'm happy. And speaking of books and essays, I just finished re-reading The Sign of Four for my European History class. Yes, that's The Sign of Four, as in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, as in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I'm not sure how to get across just how pleased I am that this is required reading... it's how we're meant to be studying Victorian culture. Really, it's just an excuse for me to curl up with Misha, a cup of tea, and a whole lot of late 19th Century trash literature.
A worthy use of time, I think.
So I shouldn't be complaining as much as I am... I may have people problems, and I may worry too much about everything, but I get to read Sherlock Holmes for class. And I'm not currently in Libya or Japan. ...I really wish I could say something about those situations that somebody else has not already said. It's just amazing what has happened over the past two months. Frightening, really. But things like this happen all the time, and I never hear about them... it is interesing what the media chooses to cover, and what the superpowers choose to get involved in, and what they don't. That being said, my heart goes out to everybody suffering right now, whether the BBC talks about them or not.
My love to all,
Tasha
ps. I feel the need to mention this to everybody: one of my best friends is in circus arts, and is (in addition to being an all-around extraordinary person, both in terms of personality and intelligence) a fantastic performer. Here's one of his videos, if you are interested in seeing what he does...
A lot has been happening over the past few days... weeks, actually, I suppose. I sat down thinking: "Finally! Time to write! This is going to be such a long post!" and now that I'm actually trying to write it all down, it seems like there's nothing really worth mentioning. Whenever I call my parents, or I come back to New York, and I get asked what has been going on, I have to respond: "Not much," because that's all I can say that really makes any sense. Things happen that seem very dramatic at the time, but by the time I get around to relating them, they're just more of the same story: I love class, I'm doing well, my friends stress me out more than my work does, I forgot to eat for three days, and now I'd like to sleep, please and thank you. It's all rather dull... but that's everyday life. And I like to think that while Professor Sheller continues to bring 19th century tailor's shears and tea sets and other such things into class for me to examine for two hours straight, everyday life won't be all that dull.
So yes. About the last two weeks specifically... well. Not much specific to say. I'm getting ready for a craft fair that should be taking place this Friday. Hopefully I'll earn some extra cash from it... that would be really nice. I'm just hoping people buy things at all. There was another craft fair last week that my friend Jenny was selling scarves at, and she managed to sell four of them. We were all quite amazed, as it's really impossible to get college students to buy anything that costs more than five dollars, and Jenny was charging fifteen... but anyway. I have hope. And very little else, but that's enough to be getting on with for now.
My classes have been going very well, as usual! I've just finished all my midterms, and should be getting some grades back over the next two days. Of course I'm nervous about it. I always am, no matter how well I do in the actual class. I keep getting the feeling that I could have written more, or that I could have included or explained more things more clearly... I cannot think about it. I really cannot afford to be worrying about things that I don't need to be worrying about... and yet, I do. Am I surprised? No. Am I frustrated with myself anyway? Yes. Rather.
Anyway.
You know, that paragraph started out very cheerfully, and ended very... not-cheerfully. I didn't mean for that to happen... as I was saying, my classes have been great. Of course, they're the reason I'm here, but I've also been feeling lately as if they're a safe haven from everything else that's been going on. People are complicated... yes, I know we all know that, but... wow. People are complicated. I tend to think of myself as somebody who doesn't really need other people around all the time... actually, most of the time. And yet, I attract people that need other people around them all the time, constantly. One can see the problem here... I make friends with people who need me around more than I need them around. And that sounds really horrible, but I don't mean it to sound that way... I love and enjoy my friends. I really do. Anybody could tell you that. It just happens to be that my best friends are people who are equally in need of time to themselves, and equally capable of entertaining themselves.
The nature of relationships at college just doesn't seem suited to the way I interact with people in general. I've met people who, overnight, will start calling me their best friend and spouting "I love you!"s like I don't even know what. I'm sorry. But my best friends are people who I have known for years. A few late-night study sessions does not give one that title. And I firmly believe "love," like "hate," is a very strong word, and a word that one should only use when one really means it. I am capable of having low-key, casual friendships, you know... not every friendship needs to have the intensity of... something very intense.
Sorry. I felt the need to vent about that. It's just that only about three people here seem to get that. And it frustrates me when I find myself in a situation where there's a lot of drama and anxiety, just because myself and the other person involved don't share the same idea of what friendships should be.
I need to put out a guidebook: How to Deal With Your Natasha Gross 1.0 or something like that. (For those of you who don't know, it would probably read something like this: http://typelogic.com/intj.html. Some of you may already know the story of how my Art History professor had us take the Myers-Briggs test earlier this semester... if you don't, that's pretty much how that went. Usually, I'm not one to put much faith in these personality test things... I think the most useful thing I learned from psychology in high school is that anything, if it is flattering and general enough, will be perceived as true. To be perfectly blunt, I think the whole personality type thing is simply another way of shoving people into boxes, which I thoroughly disaprove of, and my opinion is not helped by the fact that the tests themselves are almost always very general, and rather inaccurate. I happen to think that this one is very interesting, however, and I have to admit I'm impressed with how well it described me. With some people, it completely misses, but... anyway. This has been a very long parenthetical statement.)
Anyway, I've been burying myself in my work as a result, and I've come to the conclusion that this is how things should be. I don't need to be socializing... just give me a book and an essay to write, and I'm happy. And speaking of books and essays, I just finished re-reading The Sign of Four for my European History class. Yes, that's The Sign of Four, as in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, as in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I'm not sure how to get across just how pleased I am that this is required reading... it's how we're meant to be studying Victorian culture. Really, it's just an excuse for me to curl up with Misha, a cup of tea, and a whole lot of late 19th Century trash literature.
A worthy use of time, I think.
So I shouldn't be complaining as much as I am... I may have people problems, and I may worry too much about everything, but I get to read Sherlock Holmes for class. And I'm not currently in Libya or Japan. ...I really wish I could say something about those situations that somebody else has not already said. It's just amazing what has happened over the past two months. Frightening, really. But things like this happen all the time, and I never hear about them... it is interesing what the media chooses to cover, and what the superpowers choose to get involved in, and what they don't. That being said, my heart goes out to everybody suffering right now, whether the BBC talks about them or not.
My love to all,
Tasha
ps. I feel the need to mention this to everybody: one of my best friends is in circus arts, and is (in addition to being an all-around extraordinary person, both in terms of personality and intelligence) a fantastic performer. Here's one of his videos, if you are interested in seeing what he does...
Trevor: I can't wait to hear what L'École de Cirque de Québec says. No matter how it turns out, I cannot say how in awe I am of you, or how proud I am to call you my friend. :)
LUFFFFFFF YOUUU!!!! (And LUFF ain't one of those strong words like you were talking about, but it's sure meant like one!! You're such a great friend!!... MISS YOU!!)
ReplyDeleteHehe, cant believe I am not the first to comment!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove the post once again, and love the way you are loved :D